The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.
Let me explain a bit about myself and what this is all about. Almost 8 months ago I gave birth to my first child, a girl. The pregnancy was far from ‘smooth sailing’ and the birth was very traumatic. I have not been well since.
Before becoming a mum I can admit I had a pretty good life. I had many friends, had many laughs. My life was very structured but with a lot of spontaneity. I worked almost everyday of the week but managed to jet off to the gym once, sometimes twice, a day. I was obsessed, but a good obsessed. I loved the feeling. Whether it be feeling strong, pushing myself to the limit, sweating all of the crap out of my body, feeling refreshed and revived before heading to a long day at work, I’m not sure. Fair statement would be I loved it. I was strong, healthy, full of life, happy.
When I discovered I was pregnant, apart from banishing alcohol, forbidden foods and contact sports from my life, I didn’t make any adjustments to my routine. However within weeks exhaustion had hit and getting out of bed or even sitting up took so much energy. I soon had a new routine of dragging myself out of bed last minute every morning, driving to work where I’d eat a fried breakfast in a bap before starting my 10 hour shift. I’d eat fried or heavy carb foods throughout the day for the pure reason it was the only minor cure for feeling like I was going to vomit. I would go home and eat either a McDonald’s or fat chips from a local chip shop, sometimes with curry sauce sometimes without, to cure my nausea. Following this I’d collapse in bed and lay there exhausted until it was time to go to sleep. Next morning would be a repeat of the day before. For the majority of my pregnancy I could not eat meat or vegetables as this was my main cause of vomiting. I felt so unhealthy and miserable but I did all I could to get by.
The new me was an ill me. I was anemic, I had constant colds and viral infections, pain in my back and hips, every day became a struggle. By the time my labour came around, I could not wait to have my baby in my arms and to relax and enjoy my new family. Unfortunately the birth was out of my control and all plans went out the window. Complications began and had I been more prepared for the possibility of things going ‘wrong’, I may have coped with it better. With much medical intervention my baby was welcomed into the world safe and sound, though me on the other hand was left in a less safe place.
Most of the first 6 months of my daughters life is a bit of a blur to me. A 10 tonne black cloud covered my life. My body and mind wasn’t recovering from the birth the way it should have been and I was very unwell. At that time I’d score my ‘illness’ at a 10, but now I can score it a 6 on a bad day, a 4 on any other. I have come so far yet I have so much further to go in order to ‘find myself’ again and be cured of my troubles.
I am ready to embark upon a journey of self-healing and reviving my true self. I have the most amazing daughter whom I love to the moon and back, and she deserves a healthy and happy mother to order to make her life as wonderful as it can be.
I will make this happen.